


Nothing Ever Seems Like It Used To Be

by InterPlanetary_Redacted



Series: Faded Photographs [2]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Bones Pavlov'd Jim lmao, Continuation of Part 1, Eating Disorders (mentioned vaguely), Gen, Jim and Aurelan bond, Jim and Peter bond, Jim is good with kids, abandonment issues (kinda), mentions of Tarsus IV, mentions of trauma, using tea flavours
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:01:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25943269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InterPlanetary_Redacted/pseuds/InterPlanetary_Redacted
Summary: He has met Joanna, but Bones assured him that she loved him primarily for his willingness to pick her up at any time of the day and make up stories for them. As well as play the prince for her to rescue. But that’s not the point here; these aren’t his kids, and it isn’t because he’s a good playmate while Bones is busy cooking them dinner.(Maybe he should have asked Bones if Joanna could be flown out so he could set up a more playdate setting?)(He doubts that Bones would let him, as willing as he would be to have Joanna fly out.)///I got 1 comment saying that they thought my George was one-dimensional, and I was like "yeah thats right" and suddenly was like "continue writing for this universe and make him a better person...make him...feel guilt - even if he's not in the fic bc Jim wouldn't agree to meet with him so soon after the events of part 1"
Relationships: Aurelan Kirk & James T. Kirk, Aurelan Kirk/George Samuel Kirk (mentioned), James T. Kirk/Leonard "Bones" McCoy (Mentioned)
Series: Faded Photographs [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1882864
Comments: 16
Kudos: 84





	Nothing Ever Seems Like It Used To Be

**Author's Note:**

> yeah trigger warnings for discussion of abandonment, and references to an eating disorder and night terrors, but not as in-depth as the last fic :)

Jim wasn’t comfortable with the idea of communicating with his brother. He didn’t like giving himself the chance to open up again. But he had promised that he would meet his nephew. And he wanted to meet them. 

When it comes to their only communication since he was a child he feels discomfort and he cannot help it. He doesn’t know if he’s supposed to feel something else, maybe should feel more open or welcoming, but he doesn’t think that he can, not yet. But he isn’t going to hold it against people he has never met, no matter how easy it may be to give into that urge. Bones had told him that he was on the right tracks. That made him feel more comfortable in how he goes ahead in the future. 

‘Future’, he thinks, as if it wasn’t less than four hours away. 

Still, he can’t help the anxiety he has. 

Not even about her, but more about himself and being in that situation since this wasn’t going to be where he could jokingly flirt with somebody and easily segue into casual acquaintanceship. No, this was his brother's wife he was never actually told about, and a nephew who apparently idolises him for his most recent actions. 

That in itself is somewhat unnerving considering that the last time that happened, they were _his_ kids. Kids he still loves and has night terrors about in some cases. 

He has met Joanna, but Bones assured him that she loved him primarily for his willingness to pick her up at any time of the day and make up stories for them. As well as play the prince for her to rescue. But that’s not the point here; these aren’t his kids, and it isn’t because he’s a good playmate while Bones is busy cooking them dinner. 

(Maybe he should have asked Bones if Joanna could be flown out so he could set up a more playdate setting?) 

(He doubts that Bones would let him, as willing as he would be to have Joanna fly out.) 

Bones had assured him that he looked good, and he chose an appropriate outfit to wear for the meeting. 

Bones, who is currently working with Boyce, not here to once again reassure Jim before he- 

His padd beeps. 

_Stop worrying, I can feel your worry and tension from the hospital. Calm down. It’s gonna be fine darlin’_. 

Okay so Bones knows him inside and out, and may as well be telepathic when it comes to him, but that just makes it easier for Jim since Bones doesn’t actually have the ability to feel his emotions. Right? Bones would have told him? Probably- but not the point right now. 

Bones knows him well enough to know that he’d be worrying right now and took it upon himself to reassure Jim before he left. 

Coincidentally, he also gave him the confidence to go out of the door and to the meeting, even if it requires him to put in his earpieces and listen to a technical voice reading out to him recent research done in the ways Planet Modeling can be improved upon within professional settings. 

He almost walks right past the cafe they’re meeting in in his attempt to concentrate so fully on the research but he catches himself at the luminous paper screens that the store beside it has in their windows. 

He’d looked up Arelan twice in his life. Once when he first heard about her from his brother’s marriage license application, and once just last night to find out what had changed about her since that time nine years or so ago. He knows he himself is pretty recognisable with how much he’s been shown off by the fleet. 

Add that to the fact that his nephew admires him (something he really needs to stop repeating to himself no matter how much it astounds him) and he has no doubt that they’d be able to recognise him. 

He gets there first, apparently having overshot how fast it would take him to get there - or unconsciously walking faster than usual even with how much concentration he was paying to the research, because he does that often when he’s nervous, but usually he has Bones there to keep him from walking off at a not-normal pace and-

His head shoots up as the door opens, but it isn’t his sister-in-law or nephew, something he is grateful for. 

He stands in line and waits impatiently until he gets to the front and orders a salted caramel green tea. 

He doesn’t know how much of it he’ll actually be able to stand drinking, but he knows that Bones has him essentially Pavlov’d with tea - salted caramel green for when he is anxious but has something to do to calm him down, even if he can’t drink it, the smell should do something to help him out even slightly. 

There are various drinks that Bones has used the Pavlov technique to help him in different situations. Hot chocolate is the one which makes the most common appearance, to help him with going to sleep, to associate with good, calm emotions through Bones talking to him, telling him stories of his own youth and college years while Jim simply drinks until he gets drowsy enough that Bones takes away the cup before Jim spills it and is able to sleep. 

Coffee in the mornings, even though the caffeine doesn’t actually affect him (something he knows but likes drinking anyway if only for the increase in dopamine that helps him concentrate.) 

Cranberry for when he is frustrated with assignments. 

Blueberry for when he has an appointment with lecturers or the brass. 

Peppermint or ginger when he feels sick, whichever one he would prefer at the time. 

They stock a lot of tea, since Bones likes to make it by hand. 

He hardly notices by the time he’s settled that the chime above the door went off again and this time, it was his sister-in-law. Aurelan. He should probably get used to calling her that. 

She was clearly pregnant again, even if it wasn’t more than six months if he had to guess. Good for them, he supposed. 

She glanced around for a moment before she spotted him, smiling brightly at him while holding onto his nephew’s hand, but making that vague motion which Jim understands to mean “I’ll be there in a minute but I’m just gonna do [this] first” and “this” in this case being get a drink and maybe a snack. Probably a snack - pregnancy gives people cravings, right? At least as far as he knew. 

She bustles over to him with his nephew’s hand loosening on hers slightly, as he turns slightly red and his face transforms in awe - an easily recognisable face for Jim, considering _his_ kids used to look at him like that and, after forcing himself to stop holding back, like he did at Chris when he was younger. And still did at times, even if it wasn’t as common anymore. 

“Hi,” Aurelan said when she walked within hearing distance, and he hurried to stand so he could pull out her chair for her to sit before also doing the same for his nephew. “Thank you.” They pause in silence for a few moments before she makes a small exhale sound. “I’m sorry, this is incredibly awkward, isn’t it?” she asks, before laughing quietly, almost under her breath. 

“I mean, yeah, kinda,” Jim shrugs. “But I didn’t expect anything else,” he answered honestly. 

“Yeah, I can understand that,” she sighs. “I mostly just- I wanted to apologize. George told me what happened a few nights ago, what with the meeting and everything, and I realised that I shouldn’t have trusted him at his word when he said he was in contact with you all these years but you conveniently couldn’t come to meet us when we were on Earth - rare as that may have been.” 

“It’s fine,” Jim can’t help but shrug again, even if he knows he shouldn’t do such an action at her sincerity, but really, what else is there for him to do in return? ( _Probably a lot_ says a voice which sounds eerily like Bones in his head.) “I know that if my significant other were to be saying things about his sister being unable to visit us even if I hadn’t met her, then there wouldn’t be any doubt that I wouldn’t believe him.” It’s a lie, but an easy one since he knows that most people haven’t gone through the same experiences as him to give him the suspicion and ability to read people that he had to learn to survive, and he knows from what Bones and Chris and Phil have all told him that most people don’t have the same ability to link clues together like he does. They say it like it’s a positive thing and, maybe it is, but it doesn’t always feel like it. 

“You have an SO?” she asks, clearly perking up at the idea of a conversation topic which is easy to connect on. 

Jim nods. “Leonard McCoy - he’s gonna be my CMO,” Jim can’t help but grin proudly, causing her to grin back at him. “He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to be besides maybe Chris.” 

“Chris?” She tilts her head curiously, and he wonders if she thinks that he’s a previous partner or child or something. 

“Chris,” Jim nods. “He’s been my mentor and father-figure since I was about fourteen.” For the most part, kind of, at least. 

“It’s good that you have somebody like that, what with…” She trails off awkwardly, looking down. “Anyway, I wanted to introduce you to Peter.” She motions at her child. “Peter, this is your Uncle: James Kirk.” 

“Ah, you guys can call me Jim,” he tells them; still not wanting anybody calling him James. 

“Peter here has been a fan of you for as long as I can remember. I think it was because he was reading up on something and I found him a child-friendly version to explain concepts to him, but it was something which was essentially paraphrased from your original paper and into its base forms if that makes sense?” 

Jim knew about those books, since he’d had to give permission for his work to be used in them, and he’d even helped collaborate on some of them, or suggest what imagery to use in the childrens’ ones. 

In response he nodded. “I enjoyed those projects, since I didn’t really have to do much except make sure that the information was actually correct and suggest ideas for doodle designs.” 

“That sounds good. But, yeah, he wanted to know more, so I ended up having to read several more in the collection, before moving onto your actual papers, even though,” she turns to Peter, “you had a tough time understanding them, didn’t you?” Peter’s cheeks puff out in indignation where they’re filled with cupcake, frosting smothered on his cheeks. Jim chuckles, reaching for a paper napkin so he can clean him up slightly, turning his face towards him. Peter changes his tune quickly at that motion as his eyes go down to the table, his cheeks turn red in embarrassment, and he swallows the food in his mouth so they’re not as puffed out. 

Jim swallows, remembering when he did this for his kids, though usually with nothing so innocent as frosting, and he blinks twice before coming back to reality. 

“So, I heard from your dad, that I’m the person you look up to?” Jim says, grinning kindly, putting down the napkin. 

Peter takes his as his cue and nods enthusiastically. “Mhm! I wanna be like you when I grow up, bcus you’re so brave and smart and very quick at thinking and I like your work and how- how smart you are,” Peter grins, and Jim lets his smile soften. 

“I’m glad you wanna do well kiddo. It’s good. But you don’t have to do things exactly like me to be like me, just so you know. In the same way you don’t have to do things the way everybody tells you to. Always listen to your parents though, that’s important.” 

“Why?” Peter tilts his head in that curiosity-filled way that most young kids do when they want to know answers they don’t understand and Jim leans forwards on his arms. 

“Because they’ll always try and do what’s best for you,” Jim assures. He knows it isn’t true of a lot of parents, his own mother included, but Aurelan seems to have a good head on her shoulders if anything he found out about her is true. “And they want to keep you safe, and love you, same as me.” 

“‘Cause you’re my uncle?” Peter asks, head still tilted. 

“Yeah, because I’m your uncle. Even when I’m way way _way_ out in the stars, I’ll still be your uncle, and I’ll make sure to be able to speak to you whenever I can if I have free time,” Jim promises, not looking up at Aurelan because he doesn’t want to see what reaction she’d have. 

“Honey, why don’t you do some of this.” Aurelan had pulled out some basic children’s maths books and handed him a pencil to work with, something Jim hadn’t noticed she’d done while he was speaking before turning to him with sympathetic eyes but a determinedly set face. “Jim, I want you to know that I would never restrict your access to our children, no matter how many I have and no matter where you are out there. I want you to know because you deserve to know, both for yourself and them. I know you don’t have a good relationship with George and Winona, what’s left of them anyway, and I want you to know I don’t blame you, their behaviour was wrong regardless of their age because they should have been looking out for you. I don’t blame you if you only ever want to meet me with the kids, and I don’t mind it either. But you’ve helped me to understand a lot about my husband in the time that we’ve been here,” she tells him. 

“What do you mean?” Jim doesn’t want to address her understanding, would rather not face it if possible, but he knows he will have to at some point. 

“When we first learned I was pregnant with Peter, and even now with this little one, George has been...nervous. It was more prevalent with Peter at first and it hasn’t entirely gone away even now, it’s just re-emerging with this new baby on the way. Sometimes I would wake in the middle of the night after Peter was born, and he would be in Peter’s room with him, promising he wouldn’t fail another child, he would not leave Peter alone for so long. Every year when your birthday comes around he will always be more guilty than sad and I never knew why until he told me that he had left you. He _has_ gotten over the death of your father, eventually, but he has not yet gotten over his failure of you. It isn’t always obvious, but he does feel guilty for that and he rarely allows himself to mourn for you either. I’m not saying that I want you to forgive him, or even accept his apology, but I do want you to understand that you’ve left an impact - a positive one, even if it is not from positive associations - on my husband, which will allow our children to be raised better. I want to thank you, _sincerely_ , for being a presence my husband can remember and try to improve upon, even if it hurts so much for me to know that it came from his abandonment of you. This is not his apology, just so you know, this is all from me. His apologies need to come from him, in the same way that your forgiveness for him cannot come through me.” 

Jim isn’t sure what he’s supposed to say. Is he supposed to say anything? It feels heavy, a weight on him he wasn’t expecting to take on today. But in another way he feels lighter - Aurelan is a good parent, and George is striving to be a better one than he was a brother to Jim. 

“Thank you, Aurelan,” Jim tell her honestly. “I can’t truly say that I blame him for his initial...action,” because he doesn’t want to say abandonment. “I knew, even then, that he wasn’t my parent and he wasn’t supposed to be, and it was everything else which led to the breakdown of our relationship when I was younger but if his memory of me ensures that he gives the kids the life they deserve then that’s good.” A sincere answer, or at least the most sincere answer he can give. “I don’t know if I could ever forgive him, because it wasn’t just his leaving which was the issue. And I don’t know if we can ever rebuild the relationship we could have had as children, but I can still consider him family, I hope, one day.” 

With the heavier conversation seemingly over, Jim finally gets around to drinking his tea, no longer just inhaling the scent. It’s almost too luke-warm to drink, but he doesn’t dislike it so much. 

When Peter comes across an issue, he immediately turns to Jim, who is more than enthusiastic to help his young nephew understand the basics of maths. 

Maybe the kid won’t always be on the straight and narrow, and he will rebel, and decide that school isn’t for him and maths isn’t fun and physics is just the bane of his existence - all things Jim has determined before when he was younger - but he will always be there to help the kid with enthusiasm every time, even if it means being woken at four in the morning like he and Bones have been with Joanna before. 

Aurelan insists on exchanging all forms of communication with him so that no matter what they should always have a way to contact each other unless Jim is in a dire Red Alert situation, and Jim almost laughs at her own enthusiasm even though he feels just the same. He just wouldn’t be the one to initiate it. 

Jim carried Peter to the cafe entrance at his request before putting him down once they were out on the street, standing out of the way by the side and Aurelan asks if she can hug him briefly in goodbye. He says yes, because he’s been getting better with physical contact in platonic manners even if the person he got used to them with no longer has a platonic relationship with him - Bones was great. 

“Thank you, for meeting with me and hearing me out. I know you didn’t have to, so I appreciate it.” 

“No problem, I knew I couldn’t just say no when I’d been waiting eight years to meet you,” he answers, squeezing her shoulders tightly before they both pulled back. 

“Be sure to stay in touch,” she grins. 

“Course I will, I wanna hear all about the little one not here yet,” he grins back. 

“Of course, I have so much I can show you - all the little clothes I bought, although some of them are just Peter’s old ones but there were some new styles I just had to get.” Jim laughs along with her before checking his watch. 

“Sorry Aurelan, I really am gonna have to get going now, but we’ll keep in touch,” Jim assures her before crouching down to Peter, who had been gripping his leg for the duration they were outside. “Hey Pete, I gotta go now, but your mom has my contact stuff and you can call me whenever we agree on a time, alright?” Peter’s lip begins to tremble, but Jim pulls him close to squeeze him, holding so tight that it makes the boy giggle as he wriggles in Jim’s arms to get away. Jim places a kiss on his cheek and Peter reciprocates. “I love you, alright kiddo?” 

“I love you too Uncle Jim,” Peter grins, bouncing on his toes over to his mother’s side and Jim says goodbye again before having to walk off so he can meet Bones back at their dorm so they can have a lazy rest-of-the-afternoon together just watching old movies. 

Bones had found one from a couple of centuries ago, in which he could swear if they stood side by side, he and this actor would look identical. This actor played a prince, apparently. Jim had never heard of it but he was excited to watch it regardless, since he knew nothing of it otherwise. 

There was nothing else for them to do all day otherwise, and tomorrow they had dinner with Chris and Phil, but nothing out of the ordinary. 

Jim’s padd buzzed in his hand by his side. 

_I’m at the store, do you want any different snacks than usual?_

It was Bones. 

Because of course it was. 

Stars, he didn’t think he could ever love somebody as much as he loved the man on the other end of the messages. 

_Ice cream?_

Jim wasn’t sure what answer to expect since Bones usually tried to keep him eating healthy for the majority and getting the wrong brand of ice cream (if, say, it’s too heavy on the amount of cream) can make him sick at times. 

It took a couple of minutes for him to get a reply, meaning that Bones was probably checking the brands when he sees the response. 

_You’re in luck_ , he said, and Jim couldn’t help his next reply, even if it was one of the cheesiest things he said despite meaning his sincerity. 

_I’d never deny I’m a lucky guy_

Then, for extra measure follows up with, 

_;)_

Just so Bones gets an expected response, and he swears he can feel the eyeroll Bones gives him through the screen, as he would expect for saying something like that to his face, but he’s almost to their dorm now and he knows the store isn’t too far away so he doesn’t worry about a lack of response.

He can’t say he doesn’t mean it though, he really is a lucky guy.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it! I realised that even if I wanna make George more dimensional in the ensuing stories, I can't exactly do it directly through him because I established that Jim wouldn't want to talk to him so I tried to make it clear that Aurelan is not apologizing for George, even if it seems like it, because it is not her apology to give or her forgiveness to receive even if Jim were willing to do so. I do hope that came across? I wasn't trying to downplay Jim's abandonment issues, but I was trying to explain what consequences that could have had on George from an outside perspective, especially one so close to him, in the long-run, and fears about doing the same thing to his children as he did to Jim. I didn't really explain it here, but not only does George feel guilty for having left Jim, the reason he didn't contact him at all was because he was scared of the outcome (as he should have been imo in this fic/series) and as such kept putting it off until he couldn't really, any longer. 
> 
> I hope that this made George seem less one-dimensional than the first part did, or at least expanded his character slightly instead of just being the bad guy, expanding on the mental consequences that occurred in the ensuing years as a result of leaving Jim the way he did. 
> 
> Anyyyyway I hope you liked it, please comment/kudos if you did, I love hearing feedback as it makes my world continue spinning, and if you wanna follow my tumblr then it is interplanetary-redacted atm but if that's changed then it's whatever my ao3 name is, hope you're managing despite the circumstances! All my best! 
> 
> (EDIT, 2 DAYS LATER: I just went through and spell checked it and did a couple of other things and forgot to add in the notes that when Jim talks about coffee and lack of effect caffeine has but the increase of dopamine is a reference to Jim having ADHD since that's often a common side effect of ADHD and similar disorders so just....small tidbit)


End file.
